Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
