I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.