Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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