Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
false alarm, still single
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
