people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
