oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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