you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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