I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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