Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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