At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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