Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
being pregnant is like rehab
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
