the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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