i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
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Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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