if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
