Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
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No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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