oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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