its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE