he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.