At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed