Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
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Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?