y did u give ur computer a hand job?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?