I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
