The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
