Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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