At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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