is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
