I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize