I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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