I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
