he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
