The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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