your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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