So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
