Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize