I'm so fucking centered right now
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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