hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
