On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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