No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
