Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
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we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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