she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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