hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize