I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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