I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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