Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize