i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
