If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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