is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.