what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
