If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh