a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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