I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize