sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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