remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I love you. Go after that dick
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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