Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
