Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
