No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
