Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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