i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Shame is for Republicans.
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